Our History

Excerpt from “When The Tear Won’t Fall” by Kenneth Braswell

Origin of Fathers Incorporated

On November 13, 2004, less than two weeks after the most devastating break-up of my life, I arrived at an unfamiliar and desperate place. The previous two weeks had been an emotional hell. I had given the last two years of my life to someone, who essentially thrown it back in my face with the coldness of an assassin and a lack of remorse for how I would feel. How foolish of me. What would I believe it should matter to her; after all in the beginning of our relationship she called me “snowball.” Basically meaning my usefulness would only last through the winter.

In my confused and painful state, I found myself trying to replenish my life of the things I had so willingly given to her. Friendship, love, generosity and commitment doesn’t account for much if it has no value or respect by the one receiving it. I believed that this woman had been deceitful in every aspect of our relationship.  So much so I had considered her a soul mate and a best friend. This followed up by my friends circulating lies, losing my business, losing my car, becoming unemployed, and now embroiled in family court drama, I contemplated something I never thought would enter my mind. Suicide!

Before doing anything drastic, I stopped to talk to God. It was the first time I had ever asked for anything of this magnitude. My life! I can honestly say that I didn’t have anywhere else to turn. No one else could help me, not even my mother; certainly not my father. Furthermore, who else really cared?

I sat on my couch with the pit of my stomach feeling like it had been ripped out. We all know the feeling. It is like looking for something to fill the void, but nothing seemingly worked. And so, I said:

“Dear God:

It’s been a long time since I’ve come to you in conversation. My heart is torn and my life is in shambles. Everybody that I thought had cared about me has turned against me. I gave everything I had to this woman and now she finds no value in me. In fact, she has already replaced me by finding love in another man’s arm. What have I done to deserve this? Why are you punishing me? I don’t understand what you’re trying to get me to understand. The world is against me and I don’t know where to turn.”

I sat there on the couch with tears streaming down my face, because I knew what I was contemplating. I could not believe I had gotten to this place in life. In my heart, I knew there was more for me to accomplish in life, but I could not see the path. The songwriter wrote, “God didn’t bring me this far to leave me.” At this moment in time, it sure felt like it.

How would I find the strength to go on? What would I do with my life? I continued to talk to God…

“I’m sitting here God and at this moment I have nothing to get up for. I’m hurting and I don’t know how to make it stop. My daughter is hurting and I don’t know how to ease her pain. Am I being punished because this last woman was a married woman or because she was the wife of a former friend? Am I being punished because I haven’t been obeying your will for my life? Is there something greater that you’re trying to get me to realize?”

At that point, I was dizzy and confused by the thought of how my daughters would feel without me in their lives. I felt like no one else would miss me. How could my friends have turned their backs on me in this manner? Over a girl! As men, are our animal instincts so overwhelming that friendship can be forsaken for sexual desire? I continued to talk to God…

“Whatever I’ve done that has brought me to this point, please forgive me. I never meant to hurt anyone. In all my actions, I had the best intentions to do good. The last two years have been about helping people. All while I struggled myself, I sacrificed my life so others could do well. But here I am, sitting here with nowhere to turn but to you. Dear God, I don’t have any reason to get up from this couch. My life is in your hands and if it be your will, I will end it today. But, if it’s not your will, please give me a reason to get up. Give me something that life is worth existing for. Something that will replace what man has given me, with something that you have given me.”

I had never cried as much as I was doing then. I could not believe I had actually reached that point. Nor could I believe that no one was there to save me. For the last two weeks, my phone had been silent. At church, my presence had evoked stares and whispers. The people (or so-called friends) that I thought cared, or in whom I had found comfort, had greeted me with judgment. It was at that critical moment that I realized that nothing mattered. The only person who mattered was the person I was talking to then: God!

With that revelation, I continued to talk to God.

“I apologize for all the things I’ve done that weren’t pleasing to your will. I’ve let people move me from my relationship with you. I’ve let a woman turn my entire existence upside down. Dear God, I’m listening and I need to hear what you want me to do. I will sit here as long as it takes, to receive your will. I surrender to your will. Dear God, help me!”

My conversation went from a quiet whisper to the full strength of my voice. I was finding myself.  I was having a real conversation with God and I was not afraid anymore. My tears began to dry and the pain in my stomach began to subside. No doubt the pain still existed, but there was an easing. He was listening and shortly He answered. And HIS answer was clear!

At first, I thought I had imagined it. The word was simply, “fathers.” I sat there and I kept hearing it. “Fathers, Fathers, Fathers.” As I sat and listened some more, I continued to get clearer about where God wanted me to go. I knew the direction was from God and there was no doubt. I had never thought about doing anything like that before and even then, I had no idea just how I would approach the issue.  Besides, I could not even help myself. How could I help anyone else (especially men, struggling to establish their own lives)? The thought kept getting stronger so, I sat up and wiped my eyes. I had been on that couch for seven hours when I had my final words for the day with God. They were:

“God, I don’t know how you want me to address the issue of men and fathers, but if that is what you want me to do, I will do it in your will. I will move forward and never look back. Also, however I do it, I will always keep you in the forefront of what I’m doing. I will work at re-establishing our relationship and I will find my way back into church with a renewed spirit. I will serve you to the best of my ability and continue to seek your guidance in everything I do. Never again shall I let man or woman define me, or have control over my direction. I will be thankful for the process of growth and seek ways to forgive.”

I was re-born that day. Life took on new meaning. No one had conviction over me and never would again. It was a transforming experience, one that I will never forget. I found my grace and it felt good. I found a place in God and in addition, I founded Fathers Incorporated.

Five hours after standing up from the couch, I had written a 15-page prospectus for Fathers Inc. Within a week, Fathers Inc. was incorporated, had board members, community advisors, a website, logo, business plan, bank account and more people excited about the organization than I could have imagined. After only two and half years, we became a nationally recognized organization helping men around the country recognize their responsibility for being a good dad.

For more information and to purchase “When the Tear Won’t Fall,” visit www.kennethbraswell.com